A traveling feminist

Men say: women don’t make smart choices, that’s why y’all say
men are trash.
But historically, women weren’t groomed to make choices. We were groomed to be passive and follow a man’s lead.

the Grapevine-Manbashing (pt.2)

I’ve recently moved to a new country, and with it, I’ve encountered a few people who were curious about why someone from the Caribbean, aka paradise would want to be a feminist. I quote “I don’t think feminism/womanism is necessary today because women have so many opportunities… more opportunities than men

I grew up in a conservative society where homophobia and misogyny are the norm. Women are overlooked and abused, this is the norm. It is not viewed as ‘normal’ when a woman chooses to live outside those archaic misogynistic borders. To boot, I grew up as a preacher’s kid. A well-known preacher’s kid. My father was expected to raise us (both his daughters) in a tiny world where women are to be seen and not heard. What he taught us is that education is key to overcoming ignorance. What he taught us is that just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right.

What he taught us is that it’s ok to change your views on something if you realise you’ve been doing something wrong.

What he taught me is that being a woman does not equate to being voiceless. 

I was an opinionated child who was raised to be an opinionated woman. I’m diplomatic because I understand the value in respecting other people’s opinions, but my opinions and beliefs should not be silenced by my diplomacy. Especially if causes someone else pain.

I was raised in a household where my father was the head of the home. My mother was the passive wife who gave way to her husband. I saw my father display great leadership skills and at times, poor leadership skills. 

I was taught to be a leader, I have a father who still to this day, tells me “choose your friends, don’t let your friends choose you”. This applies to me choosing my mate as well. My father would never want me to settle for just any guy because he wants to be with me. I had the opportunity to make decisions about things in my house, my academic career, and my life as a whole. I never had to refer to a man to hold my hand and make decisions for me. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I’ve made bad choices. But the point is: these were all my decisions. A lot of women weren’t taught how to be leaders and make their own choices. They learned (or were taught) that they need the voice of a man telling them what to do.

What he taught me is that being a woman does not equate to being voiceless. 

How do we expect our black women to grow up as free thinking, independent women if we don’t give them the tools while they are young? 

Teaching women that having sex randomly is not teaching them to be sexually liberated. Teaching them that they have the CHOICE of waiting until marriage to have sex, or to participate in sex without commitment or sex outside of marriage, is teaching them to be sexually liberated. It is not immoral to be sexually liberated, to decide who you share your body with, or how often you share your body with someone. 

My father was always the protector, in his absence, he taught my sister how to protect me. He taught us that we don’t need boys to protect us, if we had a problem and he wasn’t around, we looked to each other. My sister taught me how to protect myself. As a result, I’ve learned to surround myself with women who can also protect me.

These strong women are the ones who will champion my cause if and when a man disrespects my space. They are the epitome of how women should be taught to protect and defend each other. There’s nothing wrong with having a man defend a woman or try to protect a woman, but there is a problem when a man overlooks or hurts a woman under the guise of protecting her.